I’ve been neglecting this for so long. In fact, it’s been so long that my UofG account expired and no longer hosts the banner image I put up.

What’s new?

I am now 25. Hitting the prime of my life. I still have a great metabolism, chronic illnesses are still at bay, no radical hormones to calm.

Song of the moment: Giorni Dispari by Einaudi.

It’s one of those pieces that I am immediately drawn to, which is rare. Lots of emotion intertwined in it. I can almost imagine the process and musicians performing. Curiously, it also has the effect of creating imagery…I am envisioning white, calmness, water reflections, healing, celebration.

Even though practicing and playing music is no longer a significant part of my life, I am glad that good music can still touch my soul. The world has a very numbing effect on the senses, I find. No to mention, most of the popular music can hardly qualify as good music and does little for the essence of humanity.

I am fully recognizing the paramount importance of attitude and balance. Difficult to grasp at times. I can let myself slip so easily into a negative loop of lethargy, poor nutrition, no exercise, and little productivity. On the flip side, it’s amazing what a 15 minute jog can do for my spirits.

The age old question of what I want to do with my life still lingers. I doubt this question will ever go away. I am sometimes excited, sometimes doubtful, other times worried. I wonder how applicable societal expectations are to me. What are the consequences if I choose to not fit in the mold that was not made for me? Recognizing that I do not only belong to myself and that my choices could not be selfishly made, how much freedom do I truly possess? Is it important that I have true freedom? A person without obligations to others also would not have true relationships and bonds, in which case freedom would mean nothing.

I am sure, one day, when the key pieces of my life are in place and when the future is no longer a limitless horizon masked in mystery, I will miss today. I will miss the uncertainty. I will also miss the ability to imagine the possibilities.

I hope my heart music never dies.

The pseudo-philosophy-ing ends here.