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Welcome to my blog. The contents of this blog are written entirely in Chinglish. If you are unfamiliar with the language (I dunno if Chingish even qualifies as one), please refer to the Chinglish/English dictionary here. Hope you enjoy your visit and please, prove that you exist to me by signing my guestbook.

Monday, June 26, 2006

this is how i occupy my time 




This is what is called an oil miniature. It took me less than 10 hours over three weeks period (I procrastinate). Most of this painting is created using small brushes, but i did cheat and scratch individual hairs in with a pin. The first picture is a close up. THe second photo gives you an idea of the relative size. This painting is for Dr.Lu to celebrate his 70th birthday. He was born in the year of the tiger.

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Wednesday, June 21, 2006

I could get used to this 

It is amazing. Waking up everyday and not plagued by a long list of things to do. Usually the first synapses being made by my conscious brain generate those. But alas, the miserable days of undergrad have passed. Some remnants linger however. My alarm goes off at 7:50am, telling me to follow the standard daily protocol of sending my little brother to school.

Life would be so great without him.

I am convinced that my brother is underdeveloped in his mid and hind brain areas. He has major life skills issues. I would make an exhaustive list here, except that people who usually read this blog are not parents (thank god, really!), and therefore lack the proper appreciation of the significance (boo to that though). I’ll save it for later.

My folks are still worried about me. But I think they have come to live with this idea that my future is in limbo, as I have. We have reached a new equilibrium, and this time it’s up to me to tip the balance (in the right direction of course). Since I am getting job interviews, I guess they know that I am employable. I never had a doubt in me. As long as the employer doesn’t request my transcript, I am good to go.

I now take daily naps without worrying about lost study time. I can watch tv without disapproving glare from my parents. I hog the computer and surf the net constantly in the name of job search. I am on my second novel, I make jewellery, I paint...my room is a mess and I don’t care.

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Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Thanks but no thanks 

I say the above to two things:

#1. My parents’ over-protective and smothering love.

#2. The opportunity to pursue Masters with an annual stipend of $17500, as offered by Dr. MacLucsky, the Chair of the Biomedical Science Department.

Of course, #1 and #2 are related.

Somehow, my parents believe that the only viable option for me now is to find a prof to pursue graduate studies with, asap! And along came Dr. MacLusky’s offer. My mom literately jumped at the chance. However, I am not doing any jumping. First, this offer comes from a department in which I have little interest in pursuing further education. I hate laboratories, and two years worth will certainly kill me. Secondly, this offer comes from the wrong university. I am not doing graduate school at Guelph. I mean, it’s June, and the department still has spots open for graduate students for Sept? And how is it that they have so much cash lying around to throw at me (okay, so maybe the Chair just loves me but...).

All in all, this offer is a very generous one (com’on, I am getting the Ph.D level of guaranteed funding here!) and I am quite flattered. It is one which I must turn down, however, for the sake of my own sanity.

I don’t want more school. I am mentally not ready to handle graduate school. Towards the end of my degree, I was about to tear my hair out. Going to convocation felt like going to my own funeral (but my mood improved dramatically). The rejection from Toronto still hurts.

I don’t want to treat graduate studies like it’s my chore. I want to be excited and driven by genuine interest in what I am studying. From this perspective, the offer at Guelph is not it. I am so happy that the Chair sees potential in me, but I honestly wish he was someone in Toronto or McGill. I also know that based on my academic performance, there is no way I can get such a handsome stipend from other schools. But I guess that is the trade off for pursuing happiness.

The other problem is that my parents think that I am basically “done for” and should give up on going to a top notch graduate school or medical school. Why the trait of perseverance is not praised but looked down upon by Asian parents is very puzzling. And even more so, the concept of “taking a year off”. I understand that life is short...blah...blah...but I don’t understand which competition I am in and what finish line they are trying to rush me to. I really want to convince them that I have still got it; that I am only temporary lost and broken. But I gave them stagger sentences, sad faces, and silence. I having extreme difficult to communicate with my parents. Why is this so hard? I brag about how well my ideas come across on my resume; somehow this skill doesn’t work on my folks.

Honestly, I have never gone against my parents in anything. Maybe that’s the reason why it is making it so tough. Maybe for the first time, my parents realized that they really don’t understand what is going on in my head. Maybe it just occurred to them that my life will not go the way as they have planned.

And it just occurred to me that, going to medical school or top notch graduate school alone will not give me freedom. I need a completely different mentality, attitude and approach to how things are going to be. For this reason, I am kinda glad that plan A (medschool) and plan B (gradschool) both failed.

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Sunday, June 11, 2006

What if 

“Hey Ching, let’s open a tattoo parlor together!”

I remember clearly the excitement in Diya’s voice and the glitter in her eyes when she said those words.

Oh how I wish.

Oh how I wish I could actually do something like that.

But all misery and restraints aside...I am going to pretend that I can do-as-I-wish with my life and fantasize about opening a tattoo parlor.

First off, I don’t have a single tattoo on me. And I hate pain. So what reasons, you might ask, do I have for wanting to inject ink into people’s skins? Well, I don’t mind pain, if I am the one inducing it. Blood doesn’t scare me one bit. Secondly, I am an artist. And I absolutely adore organic patterns, as in body art. To me, giving someone a tattoo would be equivalent to creating a piece of artwork. I have very fine motor control skills and I bet I can create technically challenging and fabulous designs with practice.

Secondly, money. I am not a millionaire, nor am I planning on marrying one. How do I finance this big undertaking? I think our government has a special grant for young people who wish to start new businesses, that will be my first source. Second option—-banks. Sure, the interest rates are not great, but my business background and retail experience will allow me to make a decent business proposal and sell it well. Third option, friends and family. My first boss, Warren, lived in Asia for 15 years as a business man. He has both the wealth and the knowledge to support me. And hey, the guy loves me. Major bonus there.

Third and most importantly…will this idea fly? Will this be more than some stupid act of youthful rebellion? ABSOLUTELY!

I have basic business knowledge to get a financial start. To lower costs: I have family friends who are skilled in renovations. After reaching an agreement on the general interior décor and desired atmospheric effects of the store, Diya and I will be able to handle most of the work ourselves. We will have incents, music from the far east, rich drapery, comfy couches and beanbag chairs, tones of pillows and cushions, magazines, and a gallery of body art. Of course, to create a place with the above specification would cost a fortune if everything was new. But I know creative souls who are geniuses at creating expensive looking things from scrapes. Our parlor will be their art project. We will promote our store in concerts, clubs and bars, the Hillside Festival and other large scale arts events. We will introduce memberships, discounts for returning customers, and gift certificates.

What I wish to create is not your run-of-the-mill, sketchy, dark store on a street corner. I wish to promote tattoo as an artform and take the experience of getting a tattoo beyond the pain.

First, people must be education about tattoos.
I will have a website and in store brochures with everything people would want to know about tattoos.
1. Its history, the various types, common symbols used.
2. Address from a medical perspective, the risks involved, and the various dermatomes on the human body and their relative sensitivity to pain.
3. additional information: a). the most common reasons why people pick one place on their body over another. b) advantages and disadvantages of large vs small, elaborate vs simple, coloured vs monotone designs.

Second, people must come to understand what we wish to offer
1. to educate the public in general about tattoos and break the stereotype that tattoos are for a small sect of society.
- We will accomplish this by using a website and brochures, and having open and free consultations with everyone in the store.
2. to provide a rewarding service.
- People are excited and yet frightened by the idea that a tattoos are permanent. Some people are afraid of making this commitment. We wish to create a service where people can get a rub-on tattoo of their desired design for $5. This way, they can put it where they want it and try it out to see if they like their design before the needle gets into their skin.
3. to create unique designs customized to individual needs.
- We will never recycle tattoo designs. Each design will be, in every sense of the word, unique.

This idea of mine has evolved so far that I have started to sketch the interior décor, and designing the wall murals (yeah dragons!).

At least I am allowed to dream.

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Friday, June 09, 2006

So..em, how do I do this? 

I opened my email inbox and found an interview invite. Oh goodies someone wants me to be their secretary.

(Initial) Problem #1: I have applied to about 25 jobs, all related to healthcare administrations, and I didn’t even keep a record of which job this one was. It took me a good 20 minutes to locate the same job ad again. Phew…

Problem #2: The job is at a private Occupational Therapy Clinic in Hamilton, full time. How am I going to arrange transportation? Do I move to Hamilton? I don’t know the city at all!

Problem #3: I am still tied down with teaching music until the first week of July. So how am I supposed to “start immediately” as they have requested?

Problem #4: This happens to be the first interview offer to come along and I have my eyes on more attractive positions. If I get this job offer, do I say yes right away? What if I get interviews at the better positions? How do I manage this, exactly?

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Sunday, June 04, 2006

Lost and Found 

I have been feeling completely drained and devoid of any sense of accomplishment. Looking back, four years ago, I never thought that I would worry about not being able to smile at convocation. The big stab was the rejection from gradschool and it has taken three months for the wound to stop bleeding. And the healing process still isn’t complete. Funny, people understand when one falls out of a relationship and gives that person time to come around. I think this particular rejection for me is just as painful as a breakup. I was so full of hope for something great when September 2006 rolled around. I thought I was going to be freed. Life was going to be different; I was going to get somewhere. I entrusted so much on life as a graduate student. Then it all fell apart with a letter in the mail. All the certainty I was feeling turned into uncertainty. All the carefully planned steps turned into wastes of time. All the things I thought I did right turned out to be wrong. Logically, it shouldn’t hurt this much. I have got my degree and I have got job experience. With these, I should be able to go anywhere I please. It isn’t the end of the world. But it sure feels that way. Just like when a relationship ends.

This past Monday I got my wisdom teeth pulled. Following, I drugged myself up with Tylenol #3 and slept for most of the week (I was not overdosing). I think it made up for a portion of sleep deprivation accumulated in undergrad. The hunger was utterly unbearable though.

Friday I went to work, saw familiar faces smiling at me and received many “welcome back”s. Getting some kind of routine back improved my mood significantly. I got the courage to finally look at my last semester’s grades and started looking into employment possibilities.

Last weekend, Mom told me to do a comprehensive report/reflection on my undergraduate experience. All she had to do was mention “undergrad” and I was an emotional mess. I had never lost my cool so completely when speaking to her. She had touched my wound. She had spoken the forbidden word. She made me think about the one thing I did not want to think about.

Well, I thought about it. Perhaps not as comprehensively as she had demand. It’s a start though.

Things that worked out

1. Going to Australia
2. Renewing my scholarship every semester
3. Loving my major and not changing my mind about my program of study even when the going was tough
4. Meeting amazing people and keeping them as friends
5. Getting respect and support from staff and faculty members about my endeavors
6. Keeping a part time job while in school
7. Dedicating myself to student organizations
8. Maintaining the belief that studying science and business is worthwhile
9. Having a stupid school girl crush on my TA, befriending him, and keeping him as a friend even after an interesting confession

Things that did not

1. Medschool
2. Gradschool
3. Moving out from home
4. Maintaining academic focus
5. Making sure that the President of the University know me by name (now, this would have been easy had I attended more General Senate meetings and “seconded” something on the agenda)
6. Falling in love (though people say that this is incredibly easy to do?)
7. Finding out what I am supposed do with life

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Friday, June 02, 2006

Anime North 2006 

According to my folks, I was at Christa’s last weekend. Ah, the annual excuse for going to the Anime North convention.

This year, I was not adequately prepared. I had three days to make my costume while feeling jetlagged and hiding all evidence from my family. The biggest challenge, of course, turned out to be driving. Unlike last year, I didn’t go across four lanes to make my exit for Dixon Road…

I missed my exit three times.

Last year, I memorized the driving instructions, and wrote on my page in bold letters “NOT DIXIE”. Guess what I did this year? I went off on the Dixie road exit. Turning to Bron, I said “em…watch the street numbers til we find 600 Dixon. Wait…how come the numbers are all four digits? OH SHIT!” At this point I have already gone over the same stretch of Dixie Street three times. Okay, let’s try this again…

I took the 427 North exit off Dixie and made oops #2 by actually turning on to Renforth Drive. Ah crap, my instructions told me to go PAST Renforth exit and go straight on 427 North.

Okay, let’s try this for (hopefully) the last time. I got off Renforth Drive on to 427 North once again, and alas, there was the sign for Dixon Road. At this point, I was about to cry.

Next year I am so going to memorize my driving instructions and consult a real map before driving off.

As we got closer to the Toronto Congress Centre (TCC), we saw groups of people in costumes, which brought squeals of delight from Bron. Yeah, we feel normal!

The next hour was spent in lineups, lineups, and line ups. Good thing we had some interestingly dressed individuals to keep our eyes occupied. What I love most are the poor parents being dragged out by their kids into this mess of a convention. While the kids look like they were having the time of their lives, their folks were completely freaked out. I bet they were thinking “oh God, I hope my little Johnny won’t grow up to be like them…especially THAT one…”. Makes me feel old, but hey, at least the kids are cute.

Getting to our hotel, we checked into our room and immediately begun the transformation process. I am very thankful that I don’t have to wear a heavy wig, although spiking my hair wasn’t a fun experience either. My hair has never felt so hard, crispy and dry.

Let me assure you that I looked nothing like my usual self and freaked out the hotel staff along with the 500 other con-goers. Strangely enough, I did manage to bump into people I know. Don’t worry, they are also anime otakus. No loss of reputation there (what reputation eh?)
The gigantic Dealers Room just made me feel incredibly, incredibly poor, especially since Bron was hauling in about 20 books from each stale. Yes, I would love to have my own stockpile of manga and drool over the gorgeous artwork BUT #1 I don’t have the money #2 I don’t have the room to put all that stuff #3 I don’t have the time.

The entire highlight of the convention was the Moonlight Masquerade Ball. The concept of a Ball is just irresistible. Finally, I have an opportunity to wear this white dress from Value Village which has been stuffed into a shoe box under my bed for over a year. I know, it is not fair for such a pretty thing to be treated like trash, but hey, I only spent $10. Not to mention, I can finally expel some of that bottled up creative energy into making a mask. As it turned out, it was a VERY poorly organized event. They completely underestimated the popularity of a Ball to con-goers and the room was far too small. We spent about 5 hours(!) waiting in line before getting in. The chocolate fountain was quite good and worth the wait, I must admit. Asking random people (guys and gals) to dance with a full face mask on using hand gestures was also fun. Perhaps the happiest moment for me was when I own the best mask of the Ball and became $50 richer. Yeah money!

Although this year had a rough start, the weekend turned out to be a great time. Next year (wherever I shall end up), I will plan it better. And hopefully, I will no longer need to use Christa as my annual excuse.

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