Finally got around to meeting up with Tiff on Sunday. Apparently we are both somewhat lacking in organization/communication skills. She didn’t even think this coffee date was finalized and we haven’t even settled on a place to meet, while I had in my head that it was finalized for 10am @ the Second Cup across from the OVC. So there I was, at 10:15am, dashing into the coffee shop, checked out every occupant, noted that no Tiffany was present, and left. Five minutes later, I called her and apparently woke her up as she was still in bed. Oye. Visiting her was nice. I did my usual Ching thing of lying on her soft bed (on top of the same cotton candy pink fleece blanket) while we talked about everything student/life related. Thereafter, we hit Timmy’s for actual coffee. Looking at her ridiculously full Vet school schedule, listening to her bitch about exams and being reminded of the pink and blue blobs in the Histology textbook just made me realize how different my current life is from hers. Had I gotten into gradschool or medschool, that’s what life would be. Knowing that she is already there, pursuing her career of choice brought on a wave of jealousy. At the same time, I am hit with the reality that professional proficiency can only be achieved through years of diligence, mental stamina, personal sacrifices and dedication in schooling. I will be put through hell, that is certain, but there is no guarantee that I reach my own personal heaven.

It’s mind-boggling why people like Tiffany and I choose stress and pain when we can easily wade through life with less demanding jobs and more free time for enjoyment. Why can’t I be like Bob, the hotdog vendor on campus. He is the happiest person, wearing his cowboy hat, selling hotdogs to students with his charming accent and bright smile. Even when business is not booming, he just sits outside, plays his guitar and nods at passing traffic. I remember on one occasion, Chris and I stopped to marvel at him when we were both doing the MCAT exam prep, asking ourselves what the hell we are fighting for. I am stuck in the mindset that more is better and that the higher I reach the happier I will be. I am stuck in the mindset that the more I possess, the more I will be able to enjoy life. A portion of this drive to gain is without a doubt product of societal conditioning. Meanwhile, I am trying to convince myself that it is purely my own desire. How do I know? Would I even admit it when I recognize it? Obviously, I don’t. As the years go on, the answer of “I don’t know” to “what do you want” is no longer satisfactory. As children, we are not supposed to know. As adults, somehow we are expected to know all (what’s what school is for right? Getting answers). A small part of me admits that the pursuit of medicine gives the impression of control and maturity to others. Oh, Ching is going to be doctor; that means she will succeed in life; that means she is doing okay. A small part of me admits that when I tell my career of choice to others, they will nod in acceptance and I will derive a sense of stability and (dare I say) superiority. A bigger part of me knows that I am really, no better off in many aspects compared to everyone else. I buckle in times of distress; I constantly doubt my choices and the actions I take; I error as easily as the next human being. It is my sincere wish that I do not develop a superiority complex and alienate myself from others.

So, to those of you who are reading this entry, you have my written and direct consent to slap me silly (and hopefully back into reality) if I ever develop a snobby attitude/superiority complex.

It’s Monday morning. I am at work. Sans boss. Not too bad. Supposedly I am to sort out my task list by report due dates. I miss the days when my boss did that for me. Stupid raise (who would have guessed that translates to more responsibilities?).

In addition to the normal Monday grind, I have to sort out my graduate application mess. The Registrar’s Office at U of Guelph is not sorry they messed up my transcripts, instead, they asked for more money for additional copies. I could rant more about this but it’s not worth my breath. I am just going to leaving work early, making a mad dash to McMaster campus via bus, navigate the Health Science maze to hand deliver copies of my transcripts (toped off with the most sincere apologies possible, of course).

Monday isn’t fun.

So I am going to reflect back on my weekend.

Anyone seen Happy Feet? Please do make time to kidnap a five year old, bribe him/her with lots of candy so you can look normal going into a theatre full of kids. Trust me, two hours of wondrous music, cute and fuzzy creatures (shaking their wiggly furry bumbums), and eye-popping special effects is well worth efforts. Of course, you could always just go sans children and make the “I am a big kid statement”, like I did. Or better yet, drag a Y chromosome into it along with you, like I did. The sad part is, I was so into the movie that I was flipping out over the really exciting scenes while the five year olds were sitting rather calmly. I will grow up eventually.
What I really loved about this movie is that the story is told through a little penguin’s perspective. Seagulls, seals, and humans have never looked so frightening.

Okay, now I am all happy and peppy and stuff...picturing furry little bumbums. Not a bad feeling on a Monday.

A few entries ago I mentioned something about wanting stress back in my life and how I probably shouldn’t have said that.

Now I know that statement is a mistake. I know I shouldn’t have said that.

Stress is back.

This time with application issues to graduate studies at McMaster. They didn’t get any transcripts from me, even though I told Registrarial Services to pass on my lousy grades for their review well advanced of the application deadline and even got a receipt in the mail stating the document has been sent. The copy I ordered for myself didn’t show up at my door either. Hm…

What's even worse, they want a copy of my transcript from University of Sydney. I was really hoping they would let that one slide because those numbers won’t add any points to my application.

So now, I have made a fabulous first impression to the admissions committee with a wonderful display of disorganization. Way to start off on the wrong foot. Maybe I should just scratch McMaster off my list and keep my fingers crossed for the other schools. Or maybe, I should just admit that I am not good enough for the schools I want to get into and go loiter at the Biomedical Science department at Guelph. I am meeting a professor this Friday at University of Waterloo doing Biomedical Ocular Research, given the current state of affairs, my interest level for that school just jumped three notches.

This day was great up until three hours ago.

Graduate school application is starting to feel like a reoccurring nightmare…

I got a complaint for infrequent posting on this blog.

Well, life is getting in the way of reporting on life.

1. Just tossed another application for grad studies @ U of T in the mail *fingers and toes crossed*

2. I got a raise.

3. I am going to start teaching my boss's kids music. One of them just turned three...god help me!

4. I am starting to hate public transport in general. Last Friday I was so absorbed in the book titled Ishmael that I missed my bus stop and had to back track...yes I was late to work. (wonder how the hell I got the raise eh?)

5. Mint fudge oreo cookie is my new indulgence, perhaps on a chronic basis. Ching's version of this particular dessert is trans fat free.